Dear Papa

Dear Papa

your thirteenth Death Anniversary.I don't know where are you-amongst the stars or a wave of wind blowing over the tides-sharing their might and power or perhaps somewhere very-very close to me...............wherever you are, I want you to stay with the same aura of mental strength which you had in abundance..............

I was in Moradabad at that time when I was made to face the cold and bitter truth that you had left us forever.That morning when I called up, ma was going to offer 'jal 'to tulsi ma, hence she asked you to talk to me.I still remember you told me,you had kept four frocks for Ayushree,my daughter,the name given to her by you and a few story books for my son Apurva.You did so as you were looking forward to meet me in near future although you knew my visits were unsure and uncertain........I didn't know the same evening I would be made aware of your absence...........Why Papa-why?Why did you turn your eyes from me............couldn't you have waited a little longer.....I would have been there to meet you.......But if I am not mistaken,you did come to meet me.About,after three days of your departure,I saw myself sitting with you at the dining table and having dinner.Totally baffled and confused,I asked."People say you are dead,then how have you got this body of yours again-how are you here?"As usual,with your carefree attitude,you replied,"You take your dinner and stop bothering.""Har fikr ko dhuye mein udata chala gaya" I was reminded of these lines.That whole night I couldn't sleep........People simply looked at me with disbelief,when in the morning I related to them the last night's incident, Nisha di, my eldest sister hugged me and said,"Bauji came to meet you,can't you understand........."Tears flooded my eyes and rolled off silently as they had done before.

Papa,I feel so lonely and distraught without you-this I realized after I lost you.You loved your daughters very much and had a golden heart for them. My sisters were always into a long and never ending conversation with you-always hanging around you....making you wear reading glasses- and doing next to nothing......especially Ila di, her talks would go on forever....and Punam di, always ordering things......but I was the youngest and the quietest one.I looked up at you with awe and reverence.You were such a disciplinarian that your friends called you,"Colonel"What a bold officer were you!You never made bureaucracy a victim of Politics and Politicians!

You remember,Papa, you used to call me "zeny" instead of zeny my nickname but then too, I maintained a certain distance from you although whenever I wanted anything I just reached out to you and it was done....I remember once I was watching a movie in the school auditorium of Loreto,Ranchi and electricity went off...Oh My God-I still remember, the Principal ,Sister Margaret Mary asked me to make a call to you from her office and see if the electricity could be restored.I made the call and somehow managed to convey the message and lo within five minutes the movie was running in the hall......when I came home, ma told me the load shedding was from Patraratu Thermal Power Station!!!!I was dumbstruck...the act however not fair showed how much you loved me-and everything is fair in love and war..... this was the thought present there or your boldness,till now I'm not able to make it out.......

I remember once you scolded me slightly on some trivial matter which had no fault of mine and I stopped talking to you-whenever I came face to face with you, I shied away.......I was the sensitive type and you understood.To make up with me you had a special cake flown down from Flury's Kolkatta, for my thirteenth b'day along with canvasses,oil paints and brushes as you knew painting was my weakness and I was very good at it.I also remember your face glow with pride whenever I won prizes in any event especially when I used to win awards of the best speaker in debates,elocution and recitations from the 'RamKrishna PramHansa Society'. Despite your busy schedule,you never missed the Award Ceremony and attended it along with Ma.On stage while receiving the prize my eyes searched you,however being the quiet type, I hid this fact from you!

Today I went to Girls' Orphanage to do something in your name but it was really nothing compared to your generosity which you showered.............

But still, I do have certain grudges,complaints .I'll try and tell you,(which I think by now you must be knowing) when we will meet one day-we will meet Papa-won't we?

There are so many tranquil,soothing,rejuvenating fond memories(although I was little afraid of you too......) ,all of which can not be penned down-but one thing was common between us-we both loved reading and we both loved flowers......so for my marriage, my favourite flower Rajnigandha and jewelry made of these were once again especially flown down to Patna from Kolkatta but we do not know which way life flies-isn't it?.I wish only you and I had known it then Papa......................

Earlier I wrote, I have some grudges but actually I think I don't really have any ,as we all are puppets in the hands of time......I remember whenever I languished in pain, you could sense and read my pain. You would,then stand in front of me to say,"A Kshatrani and a Colonel's daughter,shedding tears-doesn't suit".... "SAMAY BADA BALWAN HOTA HAI" ,have faith in yourself,everything will be alright...............

I think I have babbled too much-but 'I love you Papa'-I think I could never say this to you, when you were alive but now I want to tell, YOU ARE THE BEST PAPA OF THIS WORLD!

Waiting to see and touch you someday.......

Your youngest and loving daughter

'I love you Papa'

I think I could never say this to you, when you were alive

but now I want to tell,

YOU ARE THE BEST PAPA OF THIS WORLD!

Waiting to see and touch you someday.......

Your youngest and loving daughter

               

 Zenny